WAD CITY

The new app is called Registrize and it incorporates a barcode scanner and lets you create an inventory of your major purchases. By inputting costs, you can use it to track spending and you can also use it to file home inventories with your homeowners or renters insurance. If there are available rebates, it will let you know, which is cool, but more importantly, it alerts you if anything you buy is ever recalled or part of a class-action lawsuit. This is really great for parents because you get a notice if a toy or crib or whatever has been recalled or is in the news.

Yeah, so I wrote that part from the future, since this app doesn’t exist, but should.

If you are working on a top-secret next generation device, are a maniacally leak-free secretive organization, and want to allow your employees to field test it, it seems kind of reasonable that you might:

(1) Require said employees to use a goddamned Passcode so some douchenugget can’t steal the phone from their cut off jeans shorts and play around with it and shit.

(2) Require said employees to have some sort of wallpaper home screen that can be seen while the phone is locked that tells whoever it is to flip the phone over.

(2) Print a fucking return address on the bottom of the sunmbitch, along with language that says, “Dear fuckface who don’t own this shit. Give it the fuck back. Here’s our FedEx code. Use it. If you do anything other than return it to us within 48 hours of finding it, we will sue the fucking marrow out of your bones.”

If that were the case, I might sympathize with them a bit more.

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