WAD CITY

30DMC: Day 07: The Most Surprising Plot Twist or Ending

It’s kind of tough to beat “Luke, call me daddy” or “This motherfucking spinach dip is made of motherfucking people!,” but there are just so many of these. M. Night version: Casper the Friendly Child Psychologist, the village is a theme park, Sammy J Jr. is an evil nemesis, the aliens that landed on a planet that’s 2/3 water turn out to be allergic to it, homicidal tree pollen. Fincher version: that’s not my dick in that box, it’s all just a game after all, there is no Tyler Durden. Keyser Soze is a fake gimp, Ed Norton isn’t crazy after all, Norman Bates wants to be his mama, Christian the magician has an identical twin! Lady is a dude!

But for me, it’s between Angel Heart and Oldboy, and if you haven’t seen either, don’t read further (SPOILERS COMING ON YOUR FACE). Because, honestly, it really can’t get much worse than realizing you’ve been fucking your own daughter.

In version one, you sell your soul to the devil, come back in another man’s body, then unknowingly go on a killing spree, fuck your daughter Denise Huxtable, eventually shoot her in the vagina, and then realize the truth. Bummer, Harry Angel.

In version two, you are imprisoned for 15 years, released, go on a hammer-wielding rampage, fall in love with a waitress, learn that she’s your daughter and your captor had hypnotized you to fall in love with her as part of his elaborate plan, cut out your tongue with scissors, and then in a final double twister choose to hypnotize yourself so you don’t remember that the girl is your daughter. You know, so you can keep fucking her.

Winner: Oldboy